I know I am an year older and I am sure some of you don't really find Birthdays as days to celebrate because you're only getting an year older. I don't believe in Birthday celebrations. It’s just another day and it’s not the only day where you're getting older. I've been getting old for the last 8400 days and 1080 minutes. I love celebrating when I want to and wherever I want to. A Birthday is just another reason, and I don't despise that.
This birthday was special. I was all alone. I wanted to go far. Away from people who know me and people I know of. I wanted to release all my emotions, or may be myself if the need arose..**
**-->I'll talk about this later.
21st April- I planned on going to the railway station and take a ticket to anyplace. I later thought I probably should go and see how my college is. And so, I decided I'd go to Wanaparthy. This was the place which helped me evolve into a mature and self dependent person. It was here that I learnt the ways of life and people. I owe a lot to this place.
And so, I left for Wanaparthy that same day. I took a nice AC room for I've now become sensitive to sunlight, thanks to the air-conditioned atmosphere at work. I don't owe anything to my workplace. If it has done NOTHING good in terms of improving my life. I can't bear heat!??! The same heat I walked and played in, a few couple of years ago. Shame on me..
I made a schedule. One filled with exploring my college which is a palace. Secondly- Go to the room I stayed in, speak to the Owners and thank them for letting me stay there for 3 complete years. My room was filled with classmates, seniors and juniors most times. Cricket on the terrace and what not. It was anything but silent. I wonder how they let me stay for 3 years. Thirdly--Go to the mess I ate in, for all three years. Food there was heavenly. Haven't eaten anything more satisfying after I left that place. I didn't want to see any friends there for I wanted some exclusive time for myself. Time to let all my emotions out and God knows what else!
I went to my room. The house looked just the same. No changes. The mosquito mesh we had put on the windows were still on. The owners stayed on the ground floor and my room was on the first. There was no second though!! I went straight to the ground floor and knocked the door. A girl opened the door and I never saw her in my three year stay. I asked her about "SBH Ravi" and she said the family moved to Hyderabad as he got transferred. SBH was the Bank he worked in and he was better known as SBH Ravi. I was disappointed. I came out. I took a picture of the house and my Room. It was already occupied by someone. The owners changed, it didn't feel like my room and I didn't want to go upstairs. It was all changed.
A little distance away was my mess. I could see the board in the same exact place. The board wasn't well maintained. It never was... I went into the mess to find it empty. I called out Raju's name a couple of times and in vain. Right next to the mess was his father's place. I asked his father and he said the mess is now at a different place, a street away. And so, I went to the new location for the mess and saw Raju. He didn't change a bit. He was the same thin guy who could wear a "Medium" shirt and would still look small for the Shirt. But he always chose to wear an XL shirt. With the shirt over-dressing him and his sleeves folded all the way till his elbows, he looked like quite a character with his ever frantic expressions. I went next to him and said Hi. He replied back with just a Hi. I've changed a great deal. I've gotten fatter and I have a hair do. I never had a hair do till i was 19. I couldn't have one actually. Anyways, I asked him if he recognizes me and he said "Rohit ninnu ela marichipota"(Rohit, how can I forget you.). I was happy but he was busy. His mess was full and he had to cater to them. I went inside and his wife was also there. She was the one who'd cook for us. She exclaimed when she saw me and that was satisfying. She could identify me! We spoke for a while and I almost was dying to eat some food there. The mess was full and I asked her if she could parcel full meals for me and she said she can't because they've run out of parcel covers. I told her I'd come back in the evening. Gave her 500 bucks as a token of gratitude for the three years. She was reluctant but insistence works all the time. The mess changed place and they changed too.
I then saw my college. It didn't look all that charming. It was painted in white. It looked better without colour. It had that hue of orange and pale pink on its walls previously which gave it that Royal charm. The broad steps on both the sides, manned by the Lions was still there. It was a nostalgic moment. A tear nearly broke out and as usual, I managed to imprison it AGAIN.
Slowly, I climbed the spiral stairs made of teak wood. feeling the single tall smooth log in the center. I probably never climbed these stairs this slowly. I am not sure if I ever climbed them one step a time. I reached top and the big bee hive was still there. Somethings don't change and I was happy at least it didn't. I took pictures of all my classrooms and the King's chamber with the Big dome. And then a lady told me I was not supposed to be up here because its exams time for the students. I told her I studied here and she wouldn't give in. And then came another lady who worked there and I recognized her. I got talking to her and she recognized me too. And then I took some more time upstairs, exploring the rooms and the classes. The view from the top. It was amazing. But it still had changed. The college, its colour, the classrooms were re-assigned and most things had changed.
For a while, I couldn't come to terms with all these changes. I couldn't digest the fact that the owners had changed places, the mess changed, the college coloured in white and the classrooms re-assigned. It was too much to handle. May be because I let it take over a major part of me and my emotions.
I went back to the hotel room. Had lunch and got thinking over lunch. I came here to release my emotions locked inside of me or a probable option of ending myself. But I couldn't. Two people prevented this. I may be will owe them for this in the future. But I don't now. They made my birthday and they made me feel special. I still didn't celebrate my birthday. I will celebrate every other day. I will celebrate today, tomorrow and may be day after also, if I feel like. I just didn't feel like, on April 22nd.
For the first time, I was over flooded with birthday wishes and text messages. Some of them faced the message --"The Airtel number you are trying is busy. Please stay on the line or call again later." a couple of times. Some of them kept trying and some tired, left a text instead.
Thank you everyone. 23 years now, I know I have to Shift+Delete a few people from my life because they already have deleted me and I am not any worth to them. But I can't. They have been a part of my growing story. A story which has let me grow on a linear graph. You people may have forgotten my birthday this year. But come on! There's always the next one ;).. Thanks to you people also for making me wait for your wishes and never getting them. I think thats what is a surprise. A wish from the regular people is never a surprise.
You are alive for another year dude.. Time to celebrate. Today**wink wink**...