I am my own wall...

And I have always been one. Constantly bumping into myself, hurting myself and others in the process; sometimes it's collateral..
I will soon be a quarter century old in human years. For the first time in eons, I don't want to call myself an alien. I'm just as vulnerable as the human race pathetically is. I've begun accepting this as the end of an era. The end of the Blue Blood.. The mystical beam will never come to relieve me. And I am being stopped by forces can overpower me. Forces I've held close to me..

Just like there never is a gold pot at the end of rainbow, I can never be what people want me to be and what I want to be.. The gold pot is there.. always there.. in fairy tales, goodnight stories. So is my truth!

Challenge accepted and accomplished, though not during course of the right circumstances and will;
Zombies live! Man can go without food and sleep. You smile, help, be helpless, beat yourself, put yourself together and break at the same time(Multi-tasking unleashed!!).
Faces to a crystal one will never find. Content with its solitary self at the bottom of the ocean bed. 
I have no clue what I am typing. But I will, because I cannot tomorrow and day after and the day after that. 


I wrote a post titled 'Yes Man!! \m/' , a year and 6 days ago. Back then, I was someone who thought "an year" is the right way and "a year" is incorrect. I changed it and have been changing constantly ever since! Such a contrast between a year and an year!!
Any which ways, I committed myself into completing a few things like -----


a) Learn the guitar. Yes yes! --- I never did !! A failure...

b) Work out to see a 6 pack on my abdomen at least for a few days! I’ve been intrigued what it is about and how it feels. Will will! :D --- Well, not a failure here.. This I did. and did keep it for a few weeks. A month I think. It then was a 4 pack, and I now have what people call it as a 'family pack' in Tollywood!

c) Cut myself free from all the social networking ties for a couple of months again! --- Sure!! Did it. Doing it again. This time for good, I hope :)

d) Hit speeds in excess of 150kmph on Indian roads on a 2-wheeler. And no accidents this year—hopefully! :P --- Owned this one :). 169 kmph on a fireblade. Hardly maintained the speed for over 4 seconds though... We have brilliant roads in India. I valued my life back then.

e) Surpass my typing speed of 96wpm. --- 112 wpm last month...

f) Attend more treks, expeditions and adventure outings. This time, with professionals! --- Yes. Treks, expeditions and adventure outings. Just two with professionals. The rest with super professionals; my friends...

g) Buy a DSLR! --- I don't think I will, though I had planned to buy one on the 21st this month :)..

 All these were pre-determined. I did something this year I never thought I would. I did it without being conscious about doing it. Definitely tops the memorable moments of my life. It fills all the empty gaps on this post and in my life... My purpose is served. I feel I have overstayed your planet's hospitality now :)... But the nasty and selfish ones prevail. So don't be surprised to see me type another post next year. I can cheat!! And how!!!!

I'm not going to commit myself to anything for a year from today. 
I just realised I only have 9000 odd visits on my blog!! That's so fucking puny. Doesn't matter anymore because the purpose of this blog is to only let a part of me available to you, the outside world. The reason it exists, is for me. To sting me, to bring a smile, to remind me of good, bad, the past, the future, the present. The shadows, the sound of crumbling dry leaves beneath my feet, the smell of fresh air, the fear of losing someone, the fear of losing myself, humanity, emotions, days of online addiction, days of pure boredom and so much more... It is way beyond what you can comprehend and way more than what I can sum up here... 


Dear reader, don't take the pains of understanding this post. You cannot unless you understand me!!


Adios
rohit

My Existence- Metaphysical or Physical?

So I felt this sudden need to test myself, a few hours ago. I wanted to make sure my physical self which’s as inscrutable as my psyche is, was alive and I wasn’t living in a dream or a world where the laws of physics don’t apply. My primordial thought was to punch myself in the face, but after all the beating I subjected the walls at work and home, my knuckles went sore and I didn’t think it was a good idea to punch myself(I’m a rock now. I wouldn’t dare punch myself eh!).

          After a while, a brilliant idea struck me at 3:40 am. I wanted to test myself physically. 10 minutes later, I was in my tracksuit, tying my shoe laces. Walked a kilometre and reached mini-tank bund. The gates were open. I probably was the earliest jogger at that time. The entire place was deserted. The trees threw and damp and eerie feel to the place. I made a dash to the other end and back. I was breathing heavily. Alright! I was breathing—check!

The entrance at 3:50 am

Slamming my fists together whilst abhorring myself, I ran harder. Faster. I reached the end in a few minutes. I could hear loud calls of the Indian jungle Fowls. My receding cognition told me I could hear – check!!

The Lake... or whatever's left of it.

When I raced back to the entry gate, I could feel a sharp stinging sensation. My calves craved for rest. They knew I haven’t run this much in months! I’d been living a lethargic, emotionally fulfilled life, an entire quarter.  In what seemed like comfort, I deferred physical fitness; the result, my calves pulsating with pain... Well, purpose solved.. I can feel physical pain—Check!

I have no clue what flowers these were, but the smell was over-whelming :)

          I sat down on the grass and there entered the first jogger at 4:30. Walking seemed like a task.  If he were his own boss, I bet he’d be pay himself to just walk! On a more serious note he didn’t seem like someone who’s been deferring physical fitness. I loathed myself, got up and walked back home. Didn’t feel like summer to me. The early sun-rise wasn’t early until 5:20. So, I can see.. 

An unclear picture of an ICICI ATM when I was 'on the run'(from myself).

Relispray, here I come!! What a loser!

~~Peace

R.o.H.i.T....

MTV Roadies 9, Hyderabad auditions; The complete story!

So here it is!! I haven’t rushed into posting this one ‘cos I didn’t want to miss on the minutest of details.

It all started off with a call on Monday, Oct 10th '11 from an MTV representative. MTV India wanted me to be its official blogger from Hyderabad. The Roadies 9 Hyderabad auditions were to be held in the city the next day itself! The opportunity came through, thanks to Blogadda. I was surprised I was picked from Hyderabad, considering there isn't a dearth of good bloggers from Hyderabad. Lekin hum bhi kisi se kum nahin :D.. 

11-10-11-- Fancy date for the Auditions eh! :D

I reached Satya Sai Nigamam; the venue for the Auditions. I've been there before. That was where I was first mightily confused if what happened was Crush, Infatuation or Love!! It was exhilarating already at the venue and that tiny little trip down the memory lane added to the excitement :D

The participants' queue extended to about 200 meters outside the gate at 10:30 in the morning. A lot of them apparently stayed there the entire night so they could be early birds in the queue! These many wannabe Roadies-- wow!! 

Lucky for me, I didn't have to wait for a minute outside the gate. I called Gayatri and she was kind enough to come out and take me in. The gates shut behind me, with all the wannabes trying to comprehend what just happened! She handed me a tag, which would give  me unlimited access to any place in the venue! Exciting, ain't it!

Blaring music, electrifying atmosphere and a lot of noise guided me to the auditorium. The auditorium wasn't full. It was half full with about 1000-1200 people already in there. I met a few participants, spoke to them. To most, becoming a Roadies was the only ambition!

Term them as fanatics, die-hard followers or whatever, I got to see a lot of grit, foolishness, determination and hope in the eyes of many!

This photograph was taken at 10:30, a few minutes after I entered the auditorium. Amongst a lot of interesting characters was this guy, a masked wannabe! :D

Bhavisha Choudhary shows her Questionnaire 

Vidyabhushan gestures, with belief that he will be picked this time. He's a regular. We saw him in the Roadies 8 auditions and this time, he's attended the auditions at every venue this year with great hopes to become a Roadie this season.

 Adding to the already Soaring temperatures! Amazing music, dance performances, and the tense atmosphere reverberating with a million thoughts, all whispering the same line 'Make me a Roadie'!!

Talking to Pritam from Hyderabad and Ahmed from Bengaluru. Tense faces!

Ok, here's something that'll excite you! Why dontcha guess why everyone in the pic's so excited? :D

Why's everyone on their toes? Guess!

10 girls were asked to come on stage to dance and 25-30 of them ran towards the stage. 10 of them were picked to act Munnis, Sheelas and Jalebi Bais!! (Click Hyperlinks to watch them groove to the music)

 OoOoooomph Factor!! |_0-0_|

 Guys were up for the challenge! They stormed the stage right after The Jalebi Sheelas left stage. Watch them perform Amplifier, Urvasi Urvasi and the super famous Nagin dance :D.. I call them Munnas and Shails!! :D

 Udit, assessing the wannabes in the Group Discussion Room. A very cOoL head. He gave ample time to everyone to voice their opinion. Interesting fact about Group Discussions-- Contrary to the common notion that group discussions are filled with utter chaos and directionless arguments, all the GD sessions I was a part of, gave everyone a chance.

Nishant, one of the many Roadie wannabes in the GD room, tried to become the boss in the room. He was determined, like his expression shows. Spoke some sense and a lot of non-sense!! :D....He claims he was an Asst. Manager HR in an organization though he doesn't have good degrees. He quit that job to attend the Roadies auditions!! Is there a thin line between Insanity and trying to become a true Roadie? --- Views?

 Does Gymming make people dumb? -- That was the topic and a few folks from both sides of support, some neutral, jumped off their chairs to get into an argument. Will this lead to  a fight?

And it did!! A few more joined and fists met fists, eyes met eyes, words clashed until the moderator felt the situation going off limits! Bang! The sound startled the contestants, the moderator's palm on the table showed them the door and they had to leave for their misbehaviour. Awesome! That fortified the fact and assured me that ROADIES isn't ROWDIES!!

 Beat this! The topic here was 'What's more desirable in today's leaders- Youth or Experience?" A lot of opinions poured, most stammered. One stood out. She said 'Rajiv gandhi, Sonia's son is an idol. She paused and then said Rajiv? Gandhi? Who Gandhi? Which Gandhi? -- Blondes do exist!! She sure was the reason to break the tension in the air. Everyone burst into laughter and it was worth the wait :D.. Roadies rocks \m/0_0\m/

"Where's the Hyderabadi flavour, Udit?"-- To which he replied "Make that 2. Where's the Hyderabadi Flavour, RoHiT?".. Speechless!!... Kidhar toh bhi gaye yaaron Hyderabad ke potte?  Izzat ku pinde mein mila diye :(

Was I shaking my head that vigourously? :O

Knock knock, Suzie.. Snap out of the dream! Interacting with Suzie and Rishabh, moderators in another GD session. This time, the air in the room was filled with Hyderabadi Hindi. Kaiku, aisich, bolroon, sunroon, tumich kahe were the few commonly used words, I could make note of. Made me Happy!! \:D/

 Aaaaand the trio arrives!! The crowd goes mad! about 1500 folks rush to the front rows and cramp into each other so they can get a glimpse of the bad men! Below: Rajiv, Rannvijay and Raghu striking a pose for the shutterbugs. Watch the video here.

The trio sent a very clear message across. They stressed on the point that they're here to select and not to reject. Infact, that is what they do at every venue, every year! The message was well received by the crowd. Just like the serpent sways to the tune of the charmer, the crowd went into a hypnotic state for a long time! Girls gaga over Rannvijay and his look in his new movie Mod.

Rajiv surprised the crowd by talking in Telugu. Not many know that Rajiv and Raghu are Telugites and are from Andhra Pradesh. Both of them graduated from the Osmania University in Hyderabad. Aisich rehna boltoon. Kiraak baat kiya telugu mein. Logaan paagal ho gaye samjho!

\m/0_0\m/

Questions asked and answered. The trio were very cool and took time off their schedule to answer every question put forth. Raghu and Rajiv aren't really the bad men, people think they are! Raghu spoke about the inception of the show and how it has progressed over these years and how they intend to tackle competition from other shows.

Ermm-- about competition, there wasn't much explanation. All he said was, there isn't another show as unique as this which captures the viewer's attention. Competition isn't a factor!... ---- True/False, People?

Oh and the discussion in the below picture wasn't actually an intense conversation at all, though it looks like one :P

How'd I miss mentioning Bani! She sat there, silent, sipping on her coffee from Barista. Not a word. Any other girl and those tattoos would have been  grave mistakes. But they were perfect on Bani. She's a total attention grabber. My eyes seemed to have a brain of their own for about 15 minutes! She was such a doll.. Great luck, girl.

After spending 8 continuous hours amidst the Roadies atmosphere, I went home with tons of intercepted thoughts and hopes. There were those who wanted to become Roadies, just for the heck of it. There were those who wanted to become Roadies so they can become famous too.  Some, so they can go abroad. This time, to America.

Some wanted to become Roadies because they believed they were destined to become Roadies. No wonder all relentless attitude of many contestants. Years of failure. They audition at every venue, consecutive years, only to be rejected each year. 

Reinforcing their hopes and confidence, they come back, to audition the next season. I do not understand the driving factor. To each his own. But the journey is definitely worth the ride. You're screwed. You screw. You make friends. You make enemies.

May be it's worth the effort. To experience all of that was crazy. I can go on.. and on ... AND ON!! This post will only get longer... and longer... AND LONGER.... We are all Roadies within ourselves. We ride our lives. Give it a direction.

But for few, to become a Roadie is the ultimate experience. Cheers to that!!

Signing off on that note, with a basket full of 'Thank You' post-its to Blogadda and MTV Roadies.

~~Peace

R.o.H.i.T....

MTV India Roadies 9; Hyderabad Auditions

So, the day's finally here.

10:30 and the place was already full, buzzing with wannabes...  Gayatri from MTV India handed over my ID card and showed me the way to the auditorium.
It was packed already and apparently, that isn't even a tenth of what the actual crowd is supposed to be like.
Met Vidyabhushan who was a part of the auditions at Roadies 8.0.
He's been to all the 5 cities already and now in Hyd!
Bhavisha Choudhary, Pritam, Ahmed were a few to name who've been to multiple audition centres already.

Telugu songs. People from all parts of the country in even numbers. Doesn't quite seem like the 'typical' Hyderabadi crowd. The 'maki-kirkiri, aisich, hou re' words didn't strike my ears.

Well, I didn't have to wait long! Enter the GD room and a guy says 'aisich rehta'!! Now, that's a Hyderabadi alright!
A lot of chaos in one GD session and absolute silence in another one.

Stay tuned to know more. I'll try and keep blogging LIVE!!

Oh, someone's dancing now. Gotta go :P

Good luck, wannabe roadies!!

bad men still not here

~~
Peace
RoHiT

Blue Blood

With an ocean in my eyes and a dagger in my heart,

I wake up only to see water and blood fuse into art.

If only I could shoot a beam of messages into the sky

They haven't taken me yet and I need to know why?

This is not the place to be. It's alien to me just as I am to it

Killing my thoughts every now and then, just bit by bit.

This realm, your home feels like a prison called Earth

None here to comprehend, to walk, there's a dearth.

Traversing my way through the labyrinth of emotions,

I'm the unwary adventurer, unaware of the solutions.

My losing grip only helps my agony get more poignant.

Yes, I see it all. I have endured, but now I am spent.

I wish to be a kaleidoscopic friend, always with, always there

A part of your emotions, a part of your life. Just without glare.

I know all your eyes only see the boorish me, not me from within

Amidst the hacienda of all your human treachery, all my head does is spin.

I have you in my garret, high there, full of respect and never ending gratitude

Safe and free, just like yesterday, all your liberty turns into scorning attitude.

I won’t ask you to change. I won’t ask you to adjust. It’s me who’s petrified

I might seem complex but for all you do not know, I’m just countrified.

~~Peace

R.o.H.i.T....

The Departure

Unmasked myself on that cloudy day.

Amidst the masses, my cerulean self feels rejected
May be I knew of the convulsions which followed

Or maybe I did not, but I have to be reticent nevertheless.

Standing still at the carfax amongst the buzzing crowd

I feel a cataclysm within me, only that it is not loud

I’m not dumb and I see all of it, but I have to be reticent nevertheless.

To lead an august life was never my intent

Neither was an abased one marked with a dent

May be it's meant to be that way, but I have to be reticent nevertheless.

A daedal voice from within tells me all is not over

I wait for my spaceship for I can depart and hover

I realize now, home or not, I have to be reticent nevertheless.

The air, the dead and the living seem hoary

Not bewildering at all, for this is my story

Here or there it’s all the same ‘cos I have to be reticent nevertheless.

For the revebrating voice tells me, ‘You're alone, the only one

You're not meant for any of these, you're meant for none'.

The only recluse is me and the shoulder’s my own.

There’s no nevertheless here for I now know I have to be reticent for times to come.

~~Peace

R.o.H.i.T....