Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Bye Bye Captain!.. Bye? Aye? :-s!!

Or is it Aye Aye Captain? WTH!! I don’t care.. Okay, so here’s the deal. The deal I’m actually thinking of having with a certain Capt. Russell who sent me an unbelievable email with an even more omigosh kindsa deal!! Read more, to know more!! ;-)

From: Alan Russell
To: undisclosed recipients: ;
Subject: Libya.

 Good day,

My name is Capt.Currey Alan Russell.
(Capt. Currey??—you sure  are a foodie :D)I am a British soldier serving inthe military of the 1st Armored Division of the United Nations inLibya(Oh! Capt. Russell, pleasure to receive an email from you. What help can I be of, to you?). As you know we are trying to protect the lives of the civiliansliving in Libya in which their lives are endangered by the groups ofthe Muammar Gadhaffi the Libyan Leader for many years. ( Yeah I know about the situation in Libya. But who’s Gadhaffi? I’ll take it as Gadaffi. You’re doing a noble job, soldier. I salute you! There’s something you and me have in common—it’s to use the letter “h” in all the wrong places! It’s fun, ain’t it? :P)

We managed to move lives and individual belongings to other neighboringcountries with helicopter and rescue planes during which some monieswere discovered hidden and retrieved in the event of saving lives
(You moved lives? Seriously? To other neighbouring countries? I thought other countries sent planes to pick up their nationals from Libya. But you’re talking from the centre of action, so I think I’ll believe you. “Monies” sounds sooooo much like a Malayali word! Wow. That money now probably belongs to the UN, or does it?!!). Thetotal amount is USD25 Million dollars in cash. We want to move thismoney to you as owner and beneficiary of the funds for investmentsthereafter. (USD 25 Million?? :O.. Holy shit! Wait Captn.. I guess need some fresh air. I may actually choke to death even before you make me the beneficiary. Oh Kal-El!! :O)

We will take 70% share while you take the other 30%
(30%!! I may just pass out again. I can’t keep taking breaks for fresh air, Captn. Lets do it. Transfer the money. Quick). No stringsattached, just in helping us claiming this funds which is presentlydeposited in the Red Cross office waiting for claims by the owner orrelatives(No Strings Attached—Did you watch that movie, Captn? That movie’s Fscking awesome! You should watch it once you get home or something. May be I’ll share that movie wid ya if you ever come to India. Omg! I’m so lucky. May be Chuck Norris farted and it sounded like my email addres. Who cares! Yaaayyyy I’m going to be richhhh! Are you like actually in a hurry or something or has the space bar of your keyboard taken some royal pounding by a few Stinger missiles you launched on Gadaffi’s men? You’re one crazy kick-ass, generous soldier!! :P) . Libya is a war zone now and begins to look very devastatingby opposition men with guns against the present regime to the MuammarGadhaffi the Libyan Leader. We plan on using diplomatic courier andshipping the funds using diplomatic means. (Ok, it is not the stinger missile thing, but you’re honestly off-keyed with you grammar, Sir..  Diplomatic courier? I have NEVER heard of such a thing. You’re starting to make me doubt about your offer. But diplomatic means sounds fine. I’ll still buy your word :D. Can we do the talking later and do the fund transfer real quick, already?)

If you are interested, I will send you the full details; my job is tofind a good partner that we can trust and that will assist us.
(Interested? Hello.. I just gagged myself twice, stormed outta my room for fresh air and I’m totally into this fund transfer thing! Hey! Hey there... wait! Your job is to find a good partner so you can trust? I thought your job was to freaking, assist the UN with the crisis in Libya. What the hell is this new job about??) When youreceive this email, kindly send me your response signifying yourinterest including your telephone/fax numbers for quick communication,and also with your contact details such as: name and address. Thisbusiness is without any risk. Please note that the funds can be shippedout in 48 hours upon your acceptance to transact with me. (I am totally into this and I cannot signify enough as to how interested I am!  Yes yes.. I am so going to call you first thing in the morning and you will call me back oh-so-immediately! I am sure! Hell yeah, this business is without ANY risk, since this email actually landed in my SPAM box and a friend of mine actually did respond to an email sent by some other “Capt.blah blah blah” serving in the same division of the UN as you are. He did get a call and the guy on the other line was like “allo allo, send monie quick. Wee need $200 first and then wee send all dha monie. Fast fast. More quesans? Email us. Bye friend bye”.. Well, they definitely did speak a lot more.. but this a part of their conversation, I managed to dig out, from my friend! So, Capt. Curry, STFU and change clothes into a Nigerian who just sold all the diamonds he found in his farm, and wants to transfer the “MONIE” to someone so no one doubts him!”)

A pleasure interacting withyou.
(Hahahahaha the pleasure’s all mine, cos I’m going to screw you on my BLOG!!! *bling bling* :D)
Capt.Currey Alan Russel. (You changed ya name, soldier? I thought it was Russell! *muhahahahahaha owned ya**!! :D)

Kids, grownups and anyone who has an email address, don’t fool yourself into these emails. They sure do have the potential to get you into replying to these emails, soon followed by a couple of calls which definitely sound genuine and attractive. That’s just the beginning of the road to El Lootado! You’ll be looted in no time and you won’t even realise that.

The best thing you can do is, hit the “Mark as Spam” or “Move to Spam” button and make fun of such emails, in your blog or when you run out of funny things to talk with friends, or... hey, find your reasons!! :D.. Just be self-sufficient okay! :P. Don't jeopardise yourself or your friends by following such mails or asking people to follow them. If you ever come across an email which looks VERY genuine and promises you something nice, in return for nothing, it's a spam 99% of the times! :D.. If you still think it's genuine, let someone know about the mail, there are lots of people who can differentiate genuine stuff over spam. I can too! Just forward that email to me, if you think it's really genuine and I will let you know if it is! Surf Safe!! :D


~~Day 12 of my blog-a-day for 22 days marathon. Memoirs of a Drunken Junkie shuts down on the 22nd of April :-)


Raghu said...

ROFL..!!! did u get th 30% dude..? :P

Devilzangel said...

hahahaaaa total band baja baraat bajayin u of tht email lol :p i had rcved sumthin on similar lines but as an sms lol. it said tht iv been selected 2 transfer o sumthin des million funds 4m Libya o sum crap of tht sort :p.

RoHiT Iyer said...

@ Raghu--> I will... Soon :P... He has lots of friends... I'll give all your email addresses to him so you benefit from such noble souls too :D

@ Khushboo--> Yeah... I've heard ppl getting job scams on sms. Never heard about Nigerian scams through sms.

Satish said...

You dont know how lucky i am...I won the British Lottery 3 times, was selected for some top job in Microsoft once (..but was asked to pay lakhs as Caution Deposit..) and more.

And some people think i am capable of managing properties worth millions coz the only owner died of a sudden heart attack...

and What not..